Good Grief, It’s Mother’s Day

Good Grief, It’s Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms!  You know who you are – never question your motherhood, no matter how society might make you feel. Nurture and care for yourself today. You are special and worthy of celebration.   I was speaking with my own mother just a few days ago and we agreed that it is not the duration of the child’s life that matters. The love, the bond and the connection – that is what counts, what lingers long after loss.     When I saw this children’s book as I dug through the bookshelf with my living kids, I was immediately halted by the title. Good Grief, It’s Mother’s Day! The Peanuts book is based on the comic strip by Charles M. Schulz. The book shows all the Peanut characters and their beliefs about the day, and their sometimes kooky...

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Exciting Updates: CTV & Shaw TV Features, Curious Arts, Brave New Normal Documentary, Today’s Parent, and the Yeggies Awards Night (Now that’s a mouthful!)

Exciting Updates: CTV & Shaw TV Features, Curious Arts, Brave New Normal Documentary, Today’s Parent, and the Yeggies Awards Night (Now that’s a mouthful!)

Spring is a busy time of year – are you feeling it as well? There are a lot of exciting updates here at Wanted Chosen Planned that I’m eager to share with you.   CTV Feature on Wanted Chosen Planned – Airs Thursday, May 7, 2015 I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Dez Melenka and her cameraman, Mike, from CTV. The interview discussed Wanted Chosen Planned and the need for community for bereaved parents. They also filmed me photographing Tara, a bereaved local Mom, for my art project called The Quiet Rebuild – Portraits of Healing. Tara was also able to share her story.   The feature will be promoted this Wednesday night (May 6) and aired on Thursday, May 7 at 6:00pm during the evening news.   Shaw TV Feature on BRAVE NEW NORMAL...

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“Brave New Normal” Documentary, View the Trailer Today on International Bereaved Mother’s Day

“Brave New Normal” Documentary, View the Trailer Today on International Bereaved Mother’s Day

Today is a remembrance day that many do not know about unless they have experienced the death of a child. International Bereaved Mother’s Day is virtually unpublicized or acknowledged – and only partially so, I believe, because of the lack of consumer-targeted marketing by big gift companies.   The larger issue may spur from the difficult nature of the day itself. Mother’s Day is seen in a positive light, but bereaved motherhood is not all roses and chocolates.     Mothers who have miscarried, had a stillbirth or another type of early infant loss – or even those who have survived the death of a grown child – often find themselves within a society where their grief is misunderstood.   Historically, how are we taught to respond to things...

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International Bereaved Mother’s Day is this Sunday, May 3

International Bereaved Mother’s Day is this Sunday, May 3

Mother’s Day is just over a week away, on May 10th, but International Bereaved Mother’s Day is THIS SUNDAY, May 3, 2015. This is a time to celebrate all the different manifestations of motherhood and I am going to do this is three ways: (1) I have made a documentary short film featuring five bereaved mothers talking about their experiences of loss, what the early days were like after their child died and which words and actions were helpful and which really hurt. The video will be posted here AND also on my YouTube channel (free to view). Please share and respond to the video in the comments section. I hope the film will spark meaningful discussion and openness. (2) I will be posting here on Wanted Chosen Planned, encouraging women to share their stories and to...

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Lori-Ann’s Angels – Guest Blog Post

Lori-Ann’s Angels – Guest Blog Post

  I am pleased to introduce Lori-Ann, one of the founders of Angel Whispers. It is an honour for me to share Lori-Ann’s story here on Wanted Chosen Planned. Lori-Ann probably does not remember this, but almost five years ago I contacted her about the loss of my son Zachary and she sent me a lovely care package. I have never forgotten that. It is true that small gestures of kindness go a long way. I truly appreciate how Lori-Ann finds the good in all she has endured. Thank you Lori-Ann for sharing with us today.   Lori-Ann’s Story:   My grief journey began in 1998, our daughter Sabrina was almost 2 years old when we found out we were pregnant…we were ecstatic! Our plan was to have our children approximately 2½ years apart so the timing...

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Needed: Volunteer Model for a portrait in The Quiet Rebuild during a CTV News Feature – NEXT WEEK

Needed: Volunteer Model for a portrait in The Quiet Rebuild during a CTV News Feature – NEXT WEEK

I have been contacted by CTV Television and they want to interview me about baby loss awareness. They have specifically asked to film me taking photographs during a photo shoot for The Quiet Rebuild portraits. These are portraits that exemplify the resiliency of the human spirit to press on in the face of hardship. Click here to see examples from The Quiet Rebuild, which I also call Portraits of Healing here on Wanted Chosen Planned.  If you are a bereaved parent and are free next Thursday, April 23 at around 3pm, please email me:  info@alexismariechute.com It will be an expedited process for you to complete the questionnaire and for me to conceptualize your photo shoot – but it will also be a very special way to commemorate your baby and your portrait....

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My Life Line – Guest Blog by Patti Walker

My Life Line – Guest Blog by Patti Walker

I am pleased to introduce a wonderful woman, Patti Walker, the Regional Bereavement Coordinator at Alberta Health Services. It is an honour for me to share Patti’s story here on Wanted Chosen Planned. She was a support for me after Zach died, and for so many other bereaved families – and after reading her story you will understand where her compassion comes from. Love you Patti.   Patti’s Story:     I have been asked by Alexis Marie to share my story and how important ParentCare has been in my healing. I am not a writer – but here we go………..   My husband (Cam) and I were married June 11, 1988. We immediately moved from Calgary were I had grown up and all my support system was. We moved to Edmonton. We had talked about...

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Celebrating Sweeties Launch

Celebrating Sweeties Launch

I am so proud to launch “Celebrating Sweeties” on Wanted Chosen Planned! This website is more than just a blog; Wanted Chosen Planned is a community where all are welcome to share their experience of losing a child and what life entails afterwards.     I passionately believe we are stronger together – and that is what this community is built on: sharing, support and compassion. Celebrating Sweeties is a dedication page for Wanted Chosen Planned. It is a place to honour and remember. I invite families to email me at info@alexismariechute.com with three things: Your child’s name (or nickname or your last name, for example Baby Smith) Your child’s birthday A photograph if you have one (not required)   I will place your child’s name, birth date and...

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Yeggies New Media Nomination for Wanted Chosen Planned

Yeggies New Media Nomination for Wanted Chosen Planned

I am honoured that Wanted Chosen Planned has been nominated for a Yeggie, an Edmonton media and blogging award, for three years in a row. That tells me that people are reading – thank you so much for that! Sharing my life since losing my son Zachary is both a blessing and a challenging reminder, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to help other people. That is what makes everything worth while. When Zach died, I felt so alone in the world. I believed that no one understood and that my burden was mine to carry alone. I have since found, through opening up about my experience, that we as a community of bereaved families can lean on each other and offer hard earned wisdom that only those who have walked through the valley of the shadow of death couple...

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Will My Family Ever Be Complete? The Decision to have a Child after Loss

Will My Family Ever Be Complete? The Decision to have a Child after Loss

Having children after the death of a child can be one of the scariest decisions and processes there is. For some, conception alone is not an easy road. For others, the stress only begins when the two pink lines appear… side-by-side with the realization that nine months is a long time to worry for the safety and health of your next child. BUT, before all these joys and worries, is the decision to have another child in the first place. I believe it is important to note that not everyone has this ability to chose – and that is a loss worth grieving in itself. The very question of whether or not to try again can cause an emotional rollercoaster. Of course the decision to have more children is influenced by many factors – yet for people who have previously lost...

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The Compassionate Friends National Conference 2015

The Compassionate Friends National Conference 2015

I will be presenting at the 38th annual National Conference for The Compassionate Friends. The conference is for people to remember, celebrate and grieve the death of their child, grandchild or sibling. The event will take place July 10 to 12, 2015 in Dallas Texas.   My two workshop sessions are: Art-Making to Rejuvenate Bereavement Professionals and Volunteers Creative Writing to Rejuvenate Bereavement Professionals and Volunteers While it is always emotional being in community with other bereaved parents, grandparents, siblings and friends, the opportunity to reflect and grow through grief is a time I treasure. If you want more information about The Compassionate Friends National Conference, please click here.   If you would like to bring these or...

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The Ripple Effects of Loss

The Ripple Effects of Loss

On the outside I look like a normal functioning person, but the ripple effects of my son’s death still startle me. Just this week, the day home woman who cares for my two living kids asked me if I was okay if she ran an errand taking her daughter and my two-year-old son Eden with her (the older kids were still in school). Her request shouldn’t have bothered me since she takes the two toddlers to music class every week – but for some reason I was petrified. Maybe it was my mood that day, but all I could picture was a car crash and my son being badly injured… Or worse. Since Zachary, I tend to imagine the unthinkable in terms of my living children’s safety. I fixated on that car trip all morning and texted the woman asking her to let me know once they were...

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Has the way you celebrate your deceased child changed over time?

Has the way you celebrate your deceased child changed over time?

Four and a half years have passed since Zachary died. I am a different person now than I once was – and so too has my family changed since our loss. We have grown – not only in number as we welcomed Eden two years ago, but we are also growing-up as our kids’ age and my husband and I pursue education and careers. In many ways I feel my grief and my need for acts of remembrance for Zachary have changed as well. Sometimes these feelings of change make me uncomfortable. Take Christmas for example. I want to remember that Zachary’s original due date was a few days before Christmas and I want to think about him as I spend time with my family over the holidays – but I don’t want to slip into the sadness of my loss amidst the happy times – not anymore. I once went...

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Do you want your deceased child’s name remembered in my book?

Do you want your deceased child’s name remembered in my book?

As many of you know, I have written a memoir called Expecting Sunshine about my experience of losing Zachary and having my next child Eden. I wrote the memoir back in 2011 and have been editing it for the last three LONG years. Crazy, I know, but I want it to be just right. Finally, as you read this, I am putting the finishing touches on the text and am excited to move forward in the next stages with my book. As I was editing just now, I had an idea! I have one scene where I am attending the Walk to Remember and am reading names along the sidewalk, looking for Zachary’s name. Currently, I have made-up names listed there – but I began to wonder if any of you would like to include your deceased child’s name. It could be a special way to commemorate your son...

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Remembering the Spark of Life: Today is Worldwide Candle Lighting

Remembering the Spark of Life: Today is Worldwide Candle Lighting

Please join me today in Worldwide Candle Lighting at 7pm. Whether a child dies in an early miscarriage or as an adult, their life was and continues to be tremendously precious. Light your candle for one hour and celebrate the life of your son or daughter, brother or sister, or grandchild. There are too few opportunities where we may slow down in our busy lives. This is one of those rare times and I encourage you to be mindful of your thoughts, feelings and body as you take an hour to reflect. Take a deep breath and cry if you need to or share stories and laugh. One of the most important aspects to grief and healing is that the process is as unique as every individual. Celebrate in the way that you feel comfortable.   Here are some quotes to guide you as you...

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Save the Date: Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14

Save the Date: Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14

In less than a week, The Compassionate Friends host Worldwide Candling Lighting. The heart of the event: “Light a candle for all children who have died… that their light may always shine.” The Worldwide Candle Lighting will take place Sunday, December 14, 2014 at 7pm creating a wave of light around the globe. The Compassionate Friends is an organization that supports families after the death of a child at any age. I attended their National Conference this past summer and it proved to be a very kind and thoughtful community. The organization encourages bereaved families to light a candle for one hour to “honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon.” To learn more about Worldwide Candling Lighting, please click...

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Bereavement Documentaries

Bereavement Documentaries

The Resource section of Wanted Chosen Planned is now updated with a section called Documentaries. There is tremendously important studies and research being done on stillbirth, SIDS, early infant loss, the effect of a sibling death and many other topics. I discovered this great site with documentaries based on this research and I hope you find it useful. Click here to visit the Wanted Chosen Planned Resources.   Happy Friday everyone! Hugs & love    Share on...

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When a Child Dies Please Remember: Siblings Grieve Too

When a Child Dies Please Remember: Siblings Grieve Too

I recently viewed a documentary out of Toronto presented by researcher Christine Jonas-Simpson called, “Always with Me: Understanding Bereaved Children Whose Baby Sibling Died.” This video, and the presentation given by Simpson, blew me away. I began to think about my children’s response to Zachary’s death in a new way. It may sound silly, but I never really imagined my young kids, five and two-years-old, to have their own grief. I always thought that they were sad because I was sad, or that they talked about Zachary because I did. What I realized while watching the research-based documentary: Kids have their own grief that is separate and unique from their parents. Different children will respond in different ways to the loss. It is good and healthy to talk to...

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Grief Triggers (Warning: Sensitive Images for Bereaved Parents)

Grief Triggers (Warning: Sensitive Images for Bereaved Parents)

Triggers can be anything that make you think about your loss, struggle and grief. I have had all kinds of triggers since Zachary died and I can guess that many others have experienced these as well: The expiration date on food. The sound of your baby’s name. The hospital. The route to the hospital. Anniversaries. Babies in general. While triggers can cause our emotions to flare, I try to think about my child in those moments. In that way, triggers can be a lovely opportunity for remembrance. The challenge is when these triggers startle us so badly that we cannot cope in the moment. In those cases, the best plan is to remove ourselves from those situations and find a safe place to sit and take a few long, calming breaths. I had an over-the-top trigger experience...

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Finding Inspiration in Baby Loss Nurses and Community

Finding Inspiration in Baby Loss Nurses and Community

Early this November, nurses, chaplains, support workers, bereaved parents and many others gathered to participate in The 19 Biennial International Perinatal Bereavement Conference in San Antonio Texas. It was my first time attending the conference and I was immediately blown away by the compassion AND passion of those that support parents and families before and after their baby dies. I got to know many nurses local to my area that work at the Grey Nuns, Misericordia Hospital, Sturgeon Hospital and The Royal Alex. It was also lovely connecting with nurses and support workers from all over the world; from New York, Seattle, California and as far as New Zealand. I presented Healing through the Written Word and was honoured that additional chairs were needed at the...

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