The Quiet Rebuild Exhibition
After Zachary’s death, I lost myself. It was only after I got back into my work as an artist, photographer and writer that I came to understand that art possessed the ability to express the inexpressible parts of my sorrow. Building my wood sculptures was the beginning and was therapeutic as it allowed my mind to linger in places of pain and grow to understand myself better. The artwork that I have made over the last two years is called “The Quiet Rebuild” and is currently on exhibit at Harcourt House Gallery and Artist Run Centre in Edmonton, Alberta Canada. The show runs until November 29, 2013. Harcourt House Gallery: 3rd floor, 10215-112 Street, Edmonton, Alberta “The Quiet Rebuild” features painting, wood sculpture, photography and a curious...
Read MoreArt and Healing in The Quiet Rebuild
After Zachary died, I lost myself. This included ‘Alexis Marie Chute the artist.’ It wasn’t until I began to fight my way out of what I call my Year of Distraction that I rediscovered this part of myself. For the last year I have been the Artist in Residence at an Edmonton based gallery and artist run centre called Harcourt House. It is at Harcourt House that I have been creating a body of art called The Quiet Rebuild. This work centers on the idea that we humans have amazing resiliency to rebuild our lives after hardship. If you are reading this and have lost a child, you know what I mean. You are forced to move on without someone very precious to you. Even though you may scream in pain or weep away all your tears, the journey of rebuilding your life is a quiet,...
Read MoreDon’t Play the Shame Game
One summer day, back in 2010, I was visiting friends out in the country. Our kids played in the backyard while my two girlfriends and I sipped lemonade in the shade, talking about motherhood. My friend Liz had two kids, Sarah had three, one a newborn that slept in her lap, and I had Hannah. I was also pregnant with Zachary at the time. “I’m totally done,” said Liz, “Two is enough for me.” “I don’t know,” Sarah pondered, stroking the head of her tiny baby. “I could see myself having one more.” We talked as women in control. We controlled when we got pregnant, how we would deliver, and how many kids we would have. Control… We talked about how easy it was for us all to get pregnant, and thankfully had no complications. I felt so proud at that time, on top of the...
Read MoreLove is the True Healer
After writing about the cliché that says ‘time heals all wounds,’ I concluded that time is not our healer but our helper. Thus, my search continued to answer the question: Want can heal a broken heart? The answer is simple. It’s LOVE. No matter the type of loss, everything hinges on love. Many couples who have lost a child believe having another baby will heal them – but what is actually healing is LOVE. Having another baby is healing because it brings a tremendous amount of love into our lives in a very visceral and tangible way. Yet, if having a baby was the only way to heal after the loss of a child, what then for those who cannot have more children? Are they sentenced to a life without resolution to their pain? Of course not. Finding healing is not...
Read MoreMindfulness – Alive in our Moments
When your child dies, so does your future. It’s a harsh reality but it is true in many ways. Maybe you can relate to some of the thoughts I had after my son Zachary died: We decorated the nursery… when do we take it all down? Or do we? Can we bring another child back to this room? The family dynamic I had pictured is gone and along with it my idea for vacations, activities, dinnertime table-talk. My daughter will not have a sibling close in age. I put work on hold to have kids, now what? My son won’t skin his knees bike riding, he won’t graduate college, marry or have kids of his own. Am I always going to feel this ache of my missing child? I have forgotten what makes me happy, nothing seems to do the trick, and I don’t know what the purpose of my life is...
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