What Doctor Who Teaches us about Grief
Today I welcome Elizabeth Thoma on Wanted Chosen Planned for a special guest post. The power of storytelling is this: We realize we are not alone. We see that other people have survived what seems insurmountable. We learn how to cope and even thrive after loss. I am grateful for all the vulnerable guest stories shared on WCP. I am grateful – today specifically – for Oberon and his short but precious life. Oberon’s Story: Three years ago at this time, my son Oberon was home in hospice care. We knew he was going to die, but we didn’t know when. If you saw our home now, decorated for the holidays, you’d probably think everything was OK. It isn’t. Yes, there is joy in our house, but there is still heavy sadness and grief. We have “two under two”...
Read MoreGrief on Christmas Day: 5 Ways to Cope
First of all: Merry Christmas! However, maybe “Bah, humbug,” may be more appropriate. Grief is hard in the holiday season – and Christmas day may be a nagging reminder of who you have lost. For me, Christmas time is a reminder that my second child, Zachary, was supposed to be a Christmas baby. His original due date was just a few days before Christmas. Around this time, about eight years ago when I was early in my pregnancy with Zach, I remember wondering: Will I be late and deliver a baby on Christmas eve or day? I wasn’t sure if I wanted to avoid or aim for those dates. Will my son one day complain he doesn’t get enough presents because his birthday is so close to Christmas? Will the roads be slippery and I have to deliver in the...
Read MoreLife is truly precious
Today I welcome Carolyn and Adrian Aarnoutse here on Wanted Chosen Planned. As Carolyn shares her story of meeting and losing her son, Willem, I felt like I was with her, remembering my own loss and reliving those emotions. I honor the bravery of Carolyn and Adrian in opening up their heartache to us, and also I join with them in celebrating their precious baby Willem and his important life. Here is Willem’s story: I wake up every morning with the feeling that a part of me is missing; my heart is heavy and feels broken. We felt so blessed and proud to have five healthy and perfect children. Our sweet Willem came into this world with one fast push; a healthy 6lbs 5oz boy. His three sisters and one brother loved him dearly. Often, I would see them carrying...
Read MoreOctober is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October is PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS AWARENESS MONTH. Please join with me in raising awareness for this life-changing experience. October is a time to… Remember the children that have died. Celebrate their lives and how they live on in our hearts. Break down the taboos around this type of loss. Give needed support to families. Honor bereaved mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, extended family and friends. At this very special time of year, Wanted Chosen Planned (and my book and film: Expecting Sunshine) will have a butterfly takeover! This takeover is to help remember, celebrate and spark conversation. If you are to Google “butterfly symbolism” this is what will come up: Butterflies are deep and powerful representations of life. Many...
Read MoreA Video Game to Cope with Grief
I listened to one of the most touching Ted Talks just a few days ago. It was about a family that designed a video game to cope with the grief of losing their son. It was so touching that I wanted to share it here. THE DRAGON, CANCER A little background: When Amy Green’s young son was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor, she made up a bedtime story for his siblings to teach them about cancer. What resulted was a video game, “That Dragon, Cancer,” which takes players on a journey they can’t win. In this beautiful talk about coping with loss, Green brings joy and play to tragedy. “We made a game that’s hard to play,” she says, “because the hardest moments of our lives change us more than any goal we could ever...
Read MoreFather’s Day for the Bereaved Dad
Father’s Day can be challenging for the bereaved dad, just like Mother’s Day is for the bereaved mom. It only adds to the problem when fathers who have lost a child do not receive the support they need (but may not ask for) after their loss. This is not a fact I recognized around the time of Zachary’s passing, which I am sorry for. I was very introspective and self-focused back then, which is okay when you are trying to hold it together yourself. I still attempted to be there for my husband, though I’m not sure if I did a good job of it. My husband Aaron resumed life quickly after our loss, which at the time hurt me deeply. I felt abandoned by my partner and couldn’t see that he was grieving. Boy, was I wrong! I did not appreciate...
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