Out of Sight but Not Out of Mind
I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind.” It makes me think of all the little household projects I want to do but haven’t gotten around to since the supplies are tucked neatly away. Whenever I open our laundry room cupboard I see the paint to touch up our scratched table and think, ‘Oh ya, I forgot about that!’ but once the door is closed once more I forget about the paint all over again.
Out of sight, out of mind.
This phrase bothers me when I think about Zachary. He is not with me, he is not physically in sight but that does not mean he is ever far from my mind. I think about my son every day.
For me, my child is out of sight but not out of mind.
One blessing of having other children is being able to look at them and see my son. Hannah and Eden look so much alike and it makes me smile, most days, to picture Zachary sharing the curve of their noses and their characteristic blond hair and blue eyes. On other days, this train of thought brings tears to my eyes as I long for all the experiences and closeness that I will never have with him.
As life races on, it is easy to be swept up with it. I find visible reminders of Zachary, keeping him ‘in sight,’ bring me much joy as they serve as daily reminders. I love remembering Zach and the gift of his short life yet the lasting impact he has had on me and our family.
We have lots of photos of Zachary in our room and have hung paintings that I did for him throughout the house. Even the teddy bear that we received at the hospital at Zachary’s death sits proudly displayed. I think of Zach every time Hannah strains to reach the bear, wanting to cuddle and play with it. “Zachy’s bear” she calls it.
Our family keeps Zachary in mind when we celebrate his birthday, answer the question ‘how many kids do you have’ and tell bedtime stories. My mother-in-law sews a tiny stocking for Zachary for Christmas filling it with a card that tells us that our family has made a donation to the Royal Alexandra Hospital foundation in Zachary’s name.
Even on the odd day where I mistakenly call Eden by Zachary’s name, my heart sinks a little but I am given a sliver of a normal life where a sleep deprived mother calls her kids by the wrong name. Zachary is included.
I want to say thank you to everyone who reads this blog. Wanted, Chosen, Planned is a very important way I remember my son and keep him in mind. I feel it is Zachary’s greatest gift to me that I am able to use my gift of writing to share and encourage others.
The death of a child is an unimaginable loss yet parents never forget their child. There are many beautiful ways to remember and keep your baby ‘in mind.’
Love always,
Alexis Marie