Struggling & How to Help

Struggling & How to Help

Having a baby after losing a baby is hard. Then you add a complication to the pregnancy and everything spirals. To be honest, I am struggling right now.   What has happened in the last five days: I had my 20 week ultrasound last Tuesday. That night, our doctor called and said there may be something wrong with my baby’s heart and that it could be an indicator of a larger problem. I was making dinner at the time. The torrent of emotions nearly knocked me off my feet. I wept so hard both nostrils started bleeding. There was blood on my clothing and on my three-year-old son who ran to comfort me. Though I was making a new recipe that night, both Aaron and I lost our appetites after the call. At the same time, our instinctual coping mechanisms kicked-in. All I...

Read More

Living with an Open Hand

Living with an Open Hand

This is the speech I gave last weekend at the May Memorial, Remembering Our Losses. I hope it will be an encouragement.   OPEN HAND   Of all the many lessons I’ve learned in my life, there is one in particular that stands out.   The lesson: live with an open hand.   Living with an open hand is like holding a butterfly. It means not squeezing too tightly to what we want, to what we love; otherwise it may be crushed between our fingers. Instead, we can open our hands and let that which we desire stay however long it wishes. If it goes, it may return if we remain open, but there is also the chance it will not come back. Living openly like this means being grateful for what we have for however long we have it.   In happy times, this lesson...

Read More

Today is International Bereaved Mother’s Day: The Meaning of Motherhood

Today is International Bereaved Mother’s Day: The Meaning of Motherhood

What is a mother? Is she someone who has had a healthy child? Yes, that is one definition. But what about women who have abused or abandoned their children? Should they be considered mothers? What about the woman whose child has died? Is she a mother?  I believe that the defining characteristic of a mother is her love. Just like faith and hope, love is an invisible quality but truly the strongest force in the universe – even stronger than hate. In the presence of so great a love as a mother for her child, a broken heart is understandable in the face of tragedy, but love is also the only true healer. Love cannot be killed, lost or destroyed. Love is eternal. With the death of a mother and father, the world does not assume the child had no parent at all. The...

Read More

Reminder: May 4 is Bereaved Mother’s Day, download your free badge of honor

Reminder: May 4 is Bereaved Mother’s Day, download your free badge of honor

Celebrate mothers who have lost a child. Honor these women with love, support and thoughtfulness on International Bereaved Mother’s Day: Sunday, May 4, 2014. Please visit my post from April 24 to download a digital image to honour the bereaved family member(s) in your life. Click here to visit the post and download the image greeting.   Bereaved Mother’s Day is a chance to show yourself love, grace and kindness. You deserve it. No human should have to endure the loss and pain that you have survived, and yet, no matter what, you are still a mother. Join me on May 4 here on Wanted Chosen Planned to discuss the meaning of Motherhood, and also join me on twitter using the hashtag: #stillamom (You can find me: @_Alexis_Marie). I’m looking forward to...

Read More

Mark your calendar: International Bereaved Mother’s Day, May 4, 2014

Mark your calendar: International Bereaved Mother’s Day, May 4, 2014

Mother’s Day is a beautiful celebration but for some it is a day of lament. When you baby has died, Mother’s Day can be an ache in your heart that refuses to abate. I feel it. It is the longing, the irrational search, the hope against all certainty. The love of a bereaved mother for her lost child will never fade nor be forgotten. It is this love that is unconquerable and lingers because of its strength. Bereaved Mother’s Day honours the women who are still mothers – even if their child or children are not with them. No matter how early you lost your child or the form of that loss, you are still a mother. Please believe these words. Do not think little of yourself, please do not blame yourself. International Bereaved Mother’s Day takes place on Sunday, May 4,...

Read More