Never Alone

Never Alone

Kids say the most profound things. Yesterday, Christmas Day 2015, my daughter Hannah startled me with a comment. Our family was driving to visit my parents and en route we were discussing the fact that not everyone has someone to spend the holidays with. Christmas is not an easy time of year for everyone. From the backseat Hannah said, “Mommy, you are never alone – you have baby with you all the time.” She was talking about my second Rainbow Baby, the child I am 37 weeks anxiously expecting. Then Hannah continued: “And Zachary is always with you too!” This realization made me smile. My first son, my baby that I miss dearly; he is always with me. Zachary is never far from my thoughts. My love for him never wanes. I am never...

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Please Support Expecting Sunshine

Please Support Expecting Sunshine

I haven’t posted in what feels like ages. There is a very good reason for this. Two words: EXPECTING SUNSHINE This is my documentary film about having a baby after losing a baby. It is my passion project right now, connecting my art, writing, and love for supporting others – all into one. Expecting Sunshine is an important film. It will raise awareness and hopefully help to break the taboo around the loss of a child. It will also bring to light how challenging it is to have a baby after these types of deaths. This topic is not addressed enough.   Have you had a child after you lost a child? What was your experience like?  Maybe you are pregnant after the death of your baby. How are you coping?   In a project with such a huge scope as...

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New Sweeties to Celebrate

New Sweeties to Celebrate

  On Wanted Chosen Planned, I share my story of losing a baby and having children afterwards – BUT I also dream of this being a community place. I welcome guest blog posts from individuals and families. If people need someone to talk to, I’m available (easily reached by email: info@alexismariechute.com). Plus, I have dedicated this whole online community to not only my son Zachary, but all the children of those who find themselves here. Celebrating Sweeties is a dedication page where families can email me with the name and birth/death date of their child, along with a picture if they choose. I make-up the designed image and post it, publically honouring that child and his or her family’s experience. It is a powerful act. It is bold. It fosters openness and...

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Speech from the Baby Steps Walk to Remember

Speech from the Baby Steps Walk to Remember

Last weekend was the Baby Steps Memorial Walk to Remember. It was a really great way to kick off Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I gave a speech that is very close to my heart. I spoke about the death of a child like being lost in the wilderness. For me, my son Zachary has become like Polaris, the North Star, who helps guide me out of the confusing and scary place. It is always tremendously special to be able to talk about my first son and to hear his name. Within my household, we talk about Zachary all the time, but to be in the company of others who don’t find that weird or uncomfortable is truly a blessing. It was so nice to have my Mom and Step-father and my husband’s parents join us. I don’t typically ask family and friends to attend these sorts...

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What does Fatherhood Really Mean?

What does Fatherhood Really Mean?

Today is International Bereaved Father’s Day – and I find myself asking: What does fatherhood really mean? The British dictionary defines “Fatherhood” as: the state or responsibility of being a father. Or do we relate more to this definition of what a “Father” is: a man who exercises paternal care over other persons; paternal protector or provider. Everyone’s experience of fatherhood is largely based on personal, lived experience. Therefore, fatherhood will likely look different to everyone. Still, it is easy to imagine a man: Rocking his child to sleep. Teaching the little boy or girl how to kick a soccer ball. Wrestling in the living room. Helping with math homework. Staying awake till the daughter comes home from a date. Instructing his son how to drive....

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