Remembering Ruby: Guest Post by Sara Kalke

Remembering Ruby: Guest Post by Sara Kalke

I am pleased to introduce Sara Kalke. It is an honor for me to share Sara’s story here on Wanted Chosen Planned. I met Sara over three years ago shortly after her daughter Ruby passed away. We had an instant connection based on our losses and now I am proud to call her friend. I invited Sara to share her story here on Wanted Chosen Planned and I’m honored she agreed. Welcome Sara! Sara’s Story  My daughter, Ruby Jayne, weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces when she was born.  She had beautiful dark curly hair.  She had ten fingers and ten toes.  She had her daddy’s nose and my lips.  She filled my arms just like a newborn should.  She fit perfectly into the pink onesie I had ready for her in my hospital bag.  She looked sweet and kind and full of the...

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Happy Mother’s Day?

Happy Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day is complicated when your child has died, especially if you have no other living children. After the loss of my precious Zachary I thought, “Who am I?” as the following year elapsed without my consent and sadness festered. Other common feelings for those whose child has passed away include: What am I? Am I still a mother? I never had the opportunity to bring my baby home, feed him or her, change diapers, teach reading and bike riding or any of the other normal things mom’s get to do… So what does Mother’s Day mean for me? When hearing the question, “Am I a mother?” without hesitation I will tell you, “Yes!” From the moment you conceived and a love for your child blossomed in your heart, I believe you were and continue to be a mother. As you...

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Distractions? There are Pros and Cons

Distractions? There are Pros and Cons

After Zachary died, I entered what I call “The Year of Distraction.” During that time I did everything but face my grief head on. My husband and I shopped for houses and moved within six months. I amped up my photography business and photographed as many weddings as possible, working long hours and locking myself in the office afterwards to edit. We went on an expensive vacation. Fitness because a huge focus for me and I filled up my time with exercise classes, not to mention children’s art and sport classes for my daughter. “The Year of Distraction” was a time full of life and from the outside many may have assumed that I was trudging along and handling the circumstances quite well. On the inside, however, I was avoiding the issue, avoiding grief and looking for...

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Does Time Heal all Wounds?

Does Time Heal all Wounds?

After Zachary died, many people quoted the cliché saying, “Time heals all wounds.” Not only did this ignite my anger but it also motivated me to prove them all wrong. ; “Time doesn’t heal anything,” I said to myself, “I will always be heartbroken for my child.” ; ; 2 years, 2 months, 26 days, 12 hours, 39 minutes and 10 (or so) seconds have passed since my son died in my arms. Has time healed me? Or was I right that the saying, “Time heals,” is a big crock? ; What I discovered is that neither extreme is correct. From my experience over the last two years I have learned that the nature of Time is gentle; not black and white, not the scenario that one moment you mourn and the next thing you know, time passes and...

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Christmas Expectations

Christmas Expectations

Christmas is “the best time of the year” as the song goes; a time filled with family and togetherness. But what if one member of the family is missing and the feeling of togetherness is tainted with loss? What if that missing person is your child? This is my scenario and likely yours if you are reading this blog.       You may be thinking, ‘My child has died and yet everyone expects me to be merry. Yah right!’ Or maybe you hope that the spirit of the season will carry you away as you have great expectations for a holiday full of joy.   I realized something this week as I pondered these things: Christmas is not perfect.   Even without factoring in the loss of a child, Christmas is not the flawless “best time of the year”...

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