Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

It’s October 15 and International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It’s an important time to acknowledge our grief, honor our baby that died, and choose hope amidst our storm. My son Zachary passed away nine years ago. My husband and I reflected that it still feels like yesterday. I remember the details of our loss so vividly. I probably always will. What surprised me when we celebrated Zachary’s birthday, which was yesterday (October 14), was that the anger of our early years after our loss was not there as strongly. The love remains. And the longing. But the anger… not so much.  I have learned that the love never dies. No matter what. Time changes the grief, and helps it, but the love is what heals and brings hope.  I will...

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International Bereaved Mother’s Day

International Bereaved Mother’s Day

Today is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. It is a hard day for me. I am joyful, because I have this amazing opportunity to celebrate my son Zachary, who died eight years ago, BUT I am also bulldozed by sadness. I miss him. The day he was born feels like yesterday – and also a lifetime ago. I wish he was here. I doubt I will ever stop wishing this.     Over spring break a few months ago, my family visited Disneyland for a couple days. As we drove to LA, we chatted as a family about our excitement. Then I said, “I wish Zachary was with us to have this fun experience.”   Then the waterworks erupted. My husband, Aaron, put a loving hand on my knee as he drove. I cried big fat tears.     International Bereaved...

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International Bereaved Mother’s Day: Honoring our Birth Stories

International Bereaved Mother’s Day: Honoring our Birth Stories

Today we celebrate International Bereaved Mother’s Day. We honor precious children that have died and their Mothers whose love and bravery are to be respected and commended. The loss of a child is one of the most painful experiences a person can endure. At the same time, speaking for myself, I would never erase my pain. It is evidence of love. It speaks to the short but meaningful life of my first son, Zachary. Yes, my memories are tinged with sadness, but more so they are shrouded with love. Do you notice my theme here? LOVE Love is what binds us. Love sustains us. Love is the answer to the heart’s longings. Love is what keeps our loved ones alive.  My Mom is a wise lady. I respect and admire her, as much as we butt heads many days. Mom always tells...

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What Doctor Who Teaches us about Grief

What Doctor Who Teaches us about Grief

Today I welcome Elizabeth Thoma on Wanted Chosen Planned for a special guest post. The power of storytelling is this: We realize we are not alone. We see that other people have survived what seems insurmountable. We learn how to cope and even thrive after loss. I am grateful for all the vulnerable guest stories shared on WCP. I am grateful – today specifically – for Oberon and his short but precious life. Oberon’s Story:   Three years ago at this time, my son Oberon was home in hospice care. We knew he was going to die, but we didn’t know when.   If you saw our home now, decorated for the holidays, you’d probably think everything was OK. It isn’t. Yes, there is joy in our house, but there is still heavy sadness and grief. We have “two...

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Grief on Christmas Day: 5 Ways to Cope

Grief on Christmas Day: 5 Ways to Cope

First of all: Merry Christmas! However, maybe “Bah, humbug,” may be more appropriate. Grief is hard in the holiday season – and Christmas day may be a nagging reminder of who you have lost. For me, Christmas time is a reminder that my second child, Zachary, was supposed to be a Christmas baby. His original due date was just a few days before Christmas. Around this time, about eight years ago when I was early in my pregnancy with Zach, I remember wondering: Will I be late and deliver a baby on Christmas eve or day? I wasn’t sure if I wanted to avoid or aim for those dates. Will my son one day complain he doesn’t get enough presents because his birthday is so close to Christmas? Will the roads be slippery and I have to deliver in the...

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The Importance of International Bereaved Mother’s Day

The Importance of International Bereaved Mother’s Day

I just clicked “publish” on my first article as a Huffington Post regular contributor. It is called “The Importance of International Bereaved Mother’s Day.” First of all, I want to say that I really appreciate the opportunities – both online and off – to write about loss, grief, and healing, particularly the loss of a child. When all of our voices come together, sharing stories and honouring our babies, our birth experiences and ourselves as Moms, then I believe we will change the stigma around our types of losses. Then, I hope, we will help foster a healthy cultural response to miscarriage, stillbirth, other types of pregnancy loss, and also the death of infants. Secondly, you can help join in this conversation. One way...

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