Let Go… or Carry on?

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,

so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

-E.M. Forester

I’m inspired by this quote by E. M. Forester, I really am, but letting go has such a negative connotation for us who grieve the loss of a child. It is against our parenting instincts. We want to hold our child close.

If you get in a car accident or miss a job promotion it’s easier for people to say, “Let it go, it was just a possession, it was just a job. Something better is right around the corner.” Yes, many people who have lost a child to stillbirth, miscarriage or early infant loss do go on to have other children and find happiness, but the act of “letting go” is not the same.

  • We don’t “let go” and forget.
  • We don’t “let go” and leave our love for our deceased child behind.
  • We don’t “let go” in the hopes that something better is right around the corner.

I’m sure many of you feel the same as me: My child is my child no matter what. I passionately love my son and I will never move on from this love for him.

We need to come up with other ways to express the idea of “letting go” and “moving forward” that do not equate leaving something behind.

  • What about: “Carry on” or “go with it” or even, “grow with it”

We do need to let go of our anger, our fear, our battle for control and the unanswerable why questions. We can gracefully release our vision for the future and “carry on” into each new day. The concept of letting go is freeing, an idea of surrender to all the mysteries of life we cannot control and shouldn’t attempt to try. It is often the simple surprises of life, those things we do not expect, happenings of which we have no hand in orchestrating, that can become the sweetest blessings in our life.

Maybe we will be surprised at the soulful and sweet future we have in store once we resolve to simply “grow with it.”

What sayings or expressions have you found to replace “letting go” and “moving on” ?



  1. CAR
    Jun 16, 2012

    Read your latest blog. Very touching. I really understand your message and have been thinking about what to say/feel about options to “leaving behind” It is not easy as these are such “pat ” terms people use.
    How about “growing beyond” or “living to love more”. Perhaps “loving beyond” instead of leaving behind.
    They say a person’s spirit continues to live as long as others have memories of them. It is NOT about forgetting but all about “remembering” So the trick is to find the right words that might do that. Just some random thoughts as I think about yours……CAR

    • Alexis Marie
      Jun 16, 2012

      Thank you so much for your thoughts, CAR! I really like your suggestion: “living to love more.”
      Somehow the little blessings of life become more sacred and the people that we care for more precious after we have endured a tragedy. It is almost as if our living has the capacity for greater love.
      Thanks for reading and sharing with us all!

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