Three Years of Remembering and Unexpected Surprises

Three Years of Remembering and Unexpected Surprises

Zachary’s third birthday, also the day of his death, fell over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend this year. This was timely as I have much to be thankful for regarding Zach. I am thankful for thirty weeks of kicks and the magic bond between mother and child. I am thankful for his life, however brief. I am thankful I held him alive for just a few moments. I am thankful for the strength he seemed to give me to survive. I am thankful that he has given me a passion to help others. I am thankful that I still feel him with me.   It has taken me a month to write this post, not out of busyness, but because of what shocked me on the day we celebrated and remembered… We began Zachary’s birthday as we always do, with a plentiful breakfast and time as a family. My...

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Radio Silence

I have to apologize for not posting in a month. The radio silence was unintentional and I assure you I have a long list of encouraging and challenging posts stored up (coming soon). At the end of June I began my MFA (masters degree in fine art). While the focus of my studies is creative writing, my blog writing has taken a bit of a back seat to my big project on the go: my memoir. I encourage anyone who has lost a child and is struggling with grief to be creative. The arts – in all its many forms – were a huge tool I used to help along my journey of loss after Zachary died. Writing was an amazing outlet. As a part of my grad studies I am focusing on doing a first edit of my memoir. It is a huge job! The process is interesting as well because it puts...

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Giving Grace & Understanding

Giving Grace & Understanding

I’ve had several times in my life where I have experienced truly rude and insensitive people. I’m sure anyone who has lost a child has come in contact with oblivious individuals who say things that leave a sting. Yet this phenomenon is not isolated. There was a woman who yelled at me in Michaels when I accidentally budded her in line. There was a woman who told my daughter to “shut up” when she was crying in the bathroom of an art gallery. I’m sure you could add to this list. We all need to extend grace to each other. Instead of assuming the worst, let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure most people have good intentions. If we all were to live like this, I believe the world would be a much happier place. One of these ‘rude encounters’ occurred as...

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Sharing My Story on “Spit & Sparkles”

I had the honor of guest blogging about losing Zachary and life after loss on the fabulous parent blog, Spit & Sparkles. The blog is about Steffany and Derrick and their long anticipated children – twins! As I have said over and over in my posts, the strength of families finding healing is through connecting and sharing with each other. Sadly, there are a lot of us and I hope my story can encourage the Spit & Sparkles readers. If you would like to read my guest blog post, please click here. Read other posts by visiting:...

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A Belated Father’s Day Wish

A Belated Father’s Day Wish

I couldn’t post on Father’s Day. I wanted to but found myself stumped. It’s tough to write about male grief when it is so different from my own experience. I have given up trying to understand my husband’s response to our son’s death. It may never click with me – and that’s okay. Men and women grieve so differently on top of the fact that every individual person will have a different experience and need support in a way that is unique to them. What I do know for sure is that marriage is difficult after the loss of a child. For some, it brings them closer, for others it tears them apart. Recently I met an older woman who has also lost a child. (Sometimes I feel like I am a magnet for people like me, but then I realize that there are simply are a lot of us. A sad...

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