An Unnamed Stage of Fear after the Loss a Baby
Am I regressing? I did slack in my relaxation techniques over the summer? I am starting to feel anxious for my living children’s safety on a daily basis. The thought of losing another child is never far from my mind and thus all activities, outings, even simple things are peppered with worry. If my newborn sleeps longer than normal, I lay in bed worrying about SIDS. We recently visited a farm and my two year old daughter rode a horse and I nervously stood by fretting about the animal bucking. I’m anxious about drowning at bath time and during swim lessons, choking at meals, being hit by a car as we cross the street. This I feel is the tangible reality, the daily stress of living life after the loss of a child. I have known a sorrow so great that my new-self is...
Read MoreHard Advice for those Trying to Conceive
Many women who have lost a child see having another baby as the next step in their healing. While I do agree with this, I also caution women and couples not to jump too hastily into TTC (trying to conceive). Instead, I encourage spending a good quantity of time devoted to grief and healing before trying again. Our culture favors instant gratification and aims to avoid pain at all costs – but healing a broken heart is not a quick fix (a band-aid will not do the trick) or something to be avoided (we may metaphorically bleed out if not attended to). Even though the cliché saying “Time heals all wounds” makes us who have lost a child gag, there is a seed of truth to be found within that statement – although I’m sure this is not what any of us want to...
Read MoreWomen are the Keepers of our Family Stories
I distinctly remember a group of my girlfriends standing around talking about when we thought was the best time to announce a pregnancy. One woman said she would want to wait till her and her husband got through the first trimester; another woman reminded us that she announced her pregnancy after ten weeks. I was expecting with Zachary at the time of this conversation, unknowing of what was to come, and yet offered, “I get so excited, I usually tell as soon as I find out.” I have reasons for sharing pregnancy news early, apart from my giddy excitement, I told my girlfriends. “What if something happens and you lose the baby early? If you haven’t told anyone, where do you find support?” That conversation will never be lost from me as it was not that long afterwards...
Read MoreHaving a Baby after Losing a Baby: The First Month of Life
I made it through! I have now had a baby after losing a baby. To even write these words is surreal; a miracle. I spent the nine months pre-birth engaged in a labor of a different sort; I allowed myself time to grieve and process this ‘new normal.’ I intentionally searched within myself to find healing and happiness. It was not an easy road; the path bumpy and winding – yet worth every ounce of effort. I cannot imagine having had my child without this self-nurturing and reviving process. My son Eden was born a month ago and since then I have been whisked into the cycle of short days broken up by feedings and the total adjustment of every aspect of life that a newborn brings. What I focus on is my positive delivery and the good health of my child. I cannot express...
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