Having a Baby after Losing a Baby – 39 Weeks
I recently made a friend who had a stillborn baby not long ago. When we first met I was worried as I was very obviously pregnant. Instead of recoiling in disappointment, which would have been a very natural reaction, my new friend told me that my pregnancy was actually an encouragement for her. The fact that a woman can go on from losing a child to having a healthy pregnancy and baby is heartening and something she hopes for herself as well. I was surprised at this graceful and optimistic perspective and thus hope I can share here on Wanted, Chosen, Planned about my current pregnancy without causing pain for anyone who reads. I am 39 weeks pregnant and I had an epiphany the other day about the length of gestation as it relates to us who have lost a child: It is a...
Read MoreMemorial Reflections – Death does not discriminate
Sunday was the annual city wide memorial for families who have lost children, babies passed both in the womb and shortly after birth. My husband Aaron, our daughter Hannah and I arrived about fifteen minutes before the service began. We sat with my father and his girlfriend and Aaron’s dad. At this point the chapel room in the funeral home was only a quarter full but as the service start time approached, every pew was full, people directed to sit in the overflow area on the far side of the room. Eventually, the back of the chapel was crowded with families standing; even out towards the entrance was crowded. This many people gathering together would normally be a wonderful turnout if the event were, say, a wedding, conference, or concert. While we all gathered to...
Read MoreLove is Worth it All
Today I will be speaking at a memorial service for families who have lost babies. I am remembering Zachary today, missing him as always and wishing he was in my arms. I prepared the words I share with the utmost care, expressing my journey in the best way I know how. I hope that it can be an encouragement to even just one person who hears or for any one of you who reads it here. Please, remember with me… Did the world change over night? Food lacks a hint of flavor, the sky now an off shade of grey. My friends seem distant, career a mere time clock in mundane routine. Who is this person in the mirror? This weathered soul looking back at me? This is not my life. The world did not change. I changed. I changed the moment my son was diagnosed for death when I...
Read MoreMy Story of Loss and the Death of a Normal Life
I was an ordinary person with the usual aspirations: go to school, find a career I am passionate about, marry the love of my life, have babies, make a difference in the world and live happily ever after. That doesn’t sound like too much to ask, does it? I could see it all coming together; it was simply a matter of time. In 2010, my list looked like this: School – check! Career – check! Husband – check! Babies – um… My husband and I had a beautiful baby girl in 2009 and I loved every part of motherhood (this was post-breastfeeding woes and also pre-terrible two’s). Our daughter Hannah was only a few months old when I declared to my hubby, “Let’s make another one!” I felt like a pro at the beginning of my second pregnancy, ‘I am a good baby-maker’ I...
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