The Male Perspective on Grief

I have people ask me all the time:

How did your husband cope with his grief?

My first reaction for MANY YEARS was:

  1. I have no idea
  2. It seemed like he wasn’t really grieving
  3. And he never really talked about it
  4. I assumed he was doing okay


I have since had all four of those reactions turned on their head. I learned:

  1. I had no idea how my husband, Aaron, was grieving because he often tried to be strong for me, therefore didn’t always show his feelings.
  2. Aaron was grieving, deeply; his grief just looked different from mine and so I didn’t recognize it or understand it the same way as my own.
  3. Men are not encouraged to share their feelings as much as women, and sometimes when they do they are made to feel less manly or in control.
  4. We can never assume ANYTHING. It is so important to ask people how they are doing – and this goes for men, women and children!


Expecting Sunshine


My memoir, Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing and Pregnancy After Loss, comes out in less than 2 weeks! I am excited and nervous and elated, all in one.

While I do not address the differences between male and female grief head-on in a prescriptive way in my book, I do, however, show what a turbulent time it is for marriages after loss. Men and women grieve differently and heal differently – and with no one doing any of this “grief work” the same, it is a challenging time for couples. That includes same-sex couples, as even two men or two women grieve in their own unique way.


Here is the book description:

After her son, Zachary, dies in her arms at birth, visual artist and author Alexis Marie Chute disappears into her “Year of Distraction.” She cannot paint or write or tap into the heart of who she used to be, mourning not only for Zachary, but also for the future they might have had together. It is only when Chute learns she is pregnant again that she sets out to find healing and rediscover her identity―just in time, she hopes, to welcome her next child.

In the forty weeks of her pregnancy, Chute grapples with her strained marriage, shaken faith, and medical diagnosis, with profound results. Glowing with riveting and gorgeous prose, Expecting Sunshine chronicles the anticipation and anxiety of expecting a baby while still grieving for the child that came before―enveloping readers with insightful observations on grief and healing, life and death, and the incredible power of a mother’s love.

Special BONUS Reading Material:

Right now I am giving away a special bonus reading PDF. I took one chapter from my book and re-wrote it from Aaron’s perspective. It is a facinating look at male grief from inside the head of a man!

I had a very astute professor in my Masters of Fine Arts grad program assign me the task of re-writing through Aaron’s eyes and I put it off. When I finally did it, I really feel the conversations that Aaron and I had, the writing and the final chapter helped heal our marriage. Now we are closer and stronger as a couple than ever before.

I am giving away this bonus chapter, from Aaron’s perspective, in a PDF gift for those that pre-order my book. Pre-orders are accepted until April 18, 2017 from any bookstore, from Amazon and also from my own online store. Then simply email with proof of purchase (screen shot, phone shot, etc.) and I’ll email you this exclusive bonus. The reading material includes the chapter through my eyes and then the chapter re-written through Aaron’s eyes.

Here is the link to the pre-order instructions and bonus on Expecting Sunshine. Click here. 

You can pre-order Expecting Sunshine:


Have you talked to your partner about his or her experience of loss?

Maybe it’s time.


Thanks for reading!

Alexis Marie Chute

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